Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
