I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
