he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
