Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it glows. i had to have it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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