i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
