Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
