this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
