I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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