i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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