I accidentally had phone sex last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
