hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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