I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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