Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
