I hope mine doesn't look like that
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have already put on my inside pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
