sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
