maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
