ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize