Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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