hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
