Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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