So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
