One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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