Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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