Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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