Whatcha textin bout Willis?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
