I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
