Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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