My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
