stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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