the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
