No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize