Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
