I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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