But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
