its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
