This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
