Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
