Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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