I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
