i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
