We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
