I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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