If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
