Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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