it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just pee around me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize