Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
