Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
