i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize