Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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