There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize