FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
