It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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