He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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