FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
