He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
