if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
