I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
