i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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