What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
