help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He better not be in your backpack
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
