It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
