I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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