some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
