I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
