Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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