I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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