Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
