You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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