If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
