I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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