if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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