He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
