hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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