My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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