she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize