genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
