final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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