I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
