Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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