i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
