its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
