Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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