You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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