I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
