just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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