@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
