M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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