How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
