so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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