dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
