Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
