Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
