i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
