im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
