Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
