I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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