Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
