I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I touched a dick in church today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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