The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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