i permit you to call me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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