So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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