I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize