Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
