I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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