It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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