based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
