i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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