I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
