What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize