it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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