Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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