I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
